Burlesque

When I think of the word burlesque, the only thing that really comes to mind is a strip club. I imagine the term was coined so that married men could get away with seeing strippers, on account that the proper term in one of these clubs would be burlesque dancers. See? It sounds so much more sophisticated than stripper . . . and here’s the kicker . . . it’s basically the same thing! Except during one of these shows, the women sing too! But wait, this seems like a great idea for a musical. Throw in two iconic pop-stars and we have a guaranteed hit! It’s the formula for Steven Antin’s Burlesque (which he both helmed and wrote the screenplay to) that’s just been released. But if it seems that we’ve seen this movie before . . . well, it’s because, in essence, we have.

Accompanied with a stereotypical country jam, Burlesque is introduced in a small, dead-end town, where local waitress, Ali (Christina Aguilera), who has big dreams of becoming a successful singer, is seen taking money from her employer’s cash register, which her cheapskate boss has owed her. She then travels to Los Angeles, in hopes of attaining her American Dream, where she runs into a small club by the name of “The Burlesque Lounge.” Interested, Ali decides to take a peek. Upon her entrance, she is transported to a place very reminiscent of a French World War II-era strip joint. Stunned she asks the ticket holder, “What is this place? A strip club?” To which he responds, “I should wash your mouth out with Jägermeister,” serving as a key indicator for the overall quality of Antin’s script.

And as you’ve probably guessed, if you’ve seen the trailers, pop superstar Cher plays the owner of the club, Tess, a former dancer and no-nonsense diva, who maintains the venue with Sean (Stanley Tucci), her suitably flamboyant best friend. Not surprisingly (as it’s been done as many times), it turns out that Tess is in a lot of debt and the club is in danger. In fact, it may even be shut down, as real-estate icon and world-class asshole, Marcus (Eric Dane), is gearing up to buy the place for his own selfish reasons. But in a last ditch effort, Tess hires Ali, who proves worthy of the stage, after one of her dancers, Georgia (Julianne Hough), announces that she’s pregnant and is forced to leave. However, Ali’s transformation from cunning country-gal to fabulous city-slicker proves to be rocky, and her newfound success strikes a sour note in Nikki (Kristen Bell), an egomaniacal dancer, whose drunkenness and vindictiveness sends her to the bottom of the food chain.

Among the sea of faces, all of which are caked up with eye-liner, lip stick, and whatever else you women use (I’m no expert), there’s Jack (Cam Gigandent) , some hipster bartender, who first talks to Ali and hands her a job at waiting tables. They slowly develop a romantic connection although Jack has a fiancé,Natalie (Dianna Agron)who's in New York, which is a sharp contrast to the mother-and-daughter relationship that Ali and Tess share.

Although I admit that I cheered like a middle-aged mom during both of Cher’s musical performances (both of which can be compared to her hit “Strong Enough”), there isn’t a lot to recommend in Burlesque. The performances are wooden, though Aguilera is better than expected, and the screenplay just reeks of horrid dialogue and poor pacing. Ali becomes incredibly bitchy and hard to like towards the film’s second-act, which seems to parallel her transformation. Just like Ali uses more and more makeup and indulges in designer shoes to hide her true-self, Burlesque becomes much too contrived, with more pop-driven leads (in contrast to 1950s-esque bangers). Both styles, however, are equally offensive to any die-hard feminist — with themes ranging from gold-digging to casual sex.

But there are some nice set-pieces and the costume design is decent, but it all comes down to the clichéd ending — the last nail in the film’s bedazzled coffin.

Steven Antin was probably expecting that by adding a shitload of scantly-clad women, all of which prance around and talk about screwing dudes, that he’d captivate the male audience, whereas Cher and Aguilera would make any females happy. Unfortunately, even an ample amount of breasts couldn’t distract me from the horrors of a poor film. Burlesque is nothing more than a poor man’s peep show.

Casts:

Christina Aguilera as Alice Marilyn "Ali" Rose

Cher as Tess

Eric Dane as Marcus Gerber

Cam Gigandet as Jack

Julianne Hough as Georgia

Alan Cumming as Alexis

Peter Gallagher as Vincent "Vince" Scali

Kristen Bell as Nikki

Stanley Tucci as Sean

Dianna Agron as Natalie

Glynn Turman as Harold Saint

David Walton as Mark the DJ

Terrence J as Dave

Chelsea Traille as Coco

Tyne Stecklein as Jessie

Tanee McCall as Scarlett

Blair Redford as James / Bumper Band Member

I Am Number Four

An extraordinary young man masks his true identity, passing himself off as a typical student to elude a deadly enemy intent on his destruction. Three like him have already been killed... he is Number Four.
Number Four/John Smith (Alex Pettyfer) looks like a normal teenager who has a pretty easy time getting blondes in bikinis to invite him for night-time rendezvous’ in the ocean. His secret is soon out when one of his kind, Number Three, is found and murdered by a group called the Mogadorians. That secret being that he is from another planet. Yes, an alien with special powers that he hasn’t quite come to master full control over just yet. Sound familiar? No? Ok, I’ll keep going. John is one of nine toddlers who were sent to Earth along with their protectors for their safety. Three are now dead, leaving six remaining. His guardian, Henri (Timothy Olyphant), also from the planet of Lorien is his sole adult influence and protector makes the decision it’s time to pack up and leave, again, from their home of Florida after a small mishap with that same blonde in the bikini exposes his true identity. Still not familiar? Ok, continuing on. 

They wind up in Ohio. Paradise, Ohio to be exact. They attempt, well, Henri attempts to maintain a low profile but of course John can’t stand being cooped up in the house all the time. Under warnings from his guardian, he sets off to school in an attempt to lead a normal life. Not too long into his new High School career, he meets three new people in his life. Sam (Callan McAuliffe) is your somewhat above typical school geek, Sara (Dianna Agron) who immediately presents the audience with the fact that she is going to be the love interest in this story and her bully ex-boyfriend, Mark (Jake Abel). He is the school quarterback who desperately wants his girl back which doesn’t bode so well for “John” after she begins to take a liking to him.

Anyway, due to some sort of spell the Mogadorians are forced to kill the nine remaining Lorien kids in the proper order. Who established the order and how? No idea. Wouldn’t you be pretty ticked off if you were Number One and became aware that you were chosen to be killed first? Perhaps the numbering system is completely random. Let’s make him Number One.”

Derivative though it is, there's enough insanity in I Am Number Four to make it more than worth a watch. It's not original and it's not clever, but even the most curmudgeonly viewer would have to admit that it's a fun piece of genre.


The special effects are where this film shines. It was actually this aspect about the film that made me change my mind about going to see it in the first place. We all know it’s about aliens, aliens who have superpowers and it’s based on a fiction novel. So making the unbelievable stunts and “they probably used a wire” sequences look believable was not an issue. These characters can do things that humans can’t. So watching John stop his darling Sarah from falling off of a roof in mid-air and then catching her before she hit the ground wasn’t going over the top. But it was done in very good quality. 


Although it is a teen-based story, the emphasis on the whole trying to fit in and falling in love thing was dragged way too far out. We’ve already been down that road with every other science-fiction/superhero piece of paper with words on it. Get to the part where they start doing the hard-to-believe stuff that I was speaking about. But alas, this film took a good while to get to that piece of the story. Almost the entire two hours to be exact. 

                                                                               
Alex Pettyfer-John Smith/Number Four
Dianna Agron- Sara Hart
Teresa Palmer- Number Six
Timothy Olyphant- Henri
Callan McAuliffe-Sam


Directed By:
D.J. Caruso


Produced By:
Steven Spielberg 

American Pie: THE BOOK of LOVE

Ten years after the first American Pie movie, three new hapless virgins discover the Bible hidden in the school library at East Great Falls High. Unfortunately for them, the book is ruined, and with incomplete advice, the Bible leads them on a hilarious journey to lose their virginity

American Pie Presents The Book of Love marks an obvious attempt to return to the series' high-school oriented roots, as the movie follows three horny teenagers (Bug Hall's Rob, Brandon Hardesty's Lube, and Kevin M. Horton's Nathan) as they doggedly attempt to lose their virginity over the course of a few particularly eventful weeks. Despite the best efforts of a game cast (and although it fares much, much better than its immediate predecessor), American Pie Presents The Book of Love primarily comes off as a typically low-rent and flat-out needless straight-to-video endeavor - with the pervasive lack of laughs ultimately exacerbating the film's myriad of problems. Screenwriter David H. Steinberg offers up eye-rollingly over-the-top comedic set-pieces that become more and more desperate as the movie unfolds (ie a character is raped by a moose), yet it's the absence of compelling characters and the almost uniformly hackneyed nature of the various storylines that inevitably cements American Pie Presents The Book of Love's undeniable downfall. In terms of the former, the protagonists are generally presented as one-dimensional sleazeballs whose ongoing exploits possess few elements designed to capture and sustain the viewer's interest (ie everything here, from Rob's desire to pursue a romantic relationship with his female best friend to Lube's efforts at bedding a classmate who's way out of his league, has been done many times over in other, better movies with far more skill and subtlety). The dearth of positive attributes subsequently ensures that American Pie Presents The Book of Love is unlikely to appeal to even the most ardent American Pie fan, and it's finally impossible not to view the continued existence of these movies as a shameless cash-grab by the studio.

Casts:

Bug Hall as Rob

Kevin M. Horton as Nathan

Brandon Hardesty as Lube

Beth Behrs as Heidi

Melanie Papalia as Dana

Jennifer Holland as Ashley

John Patrick Jordan as Scott Stifler

Eugene Levy as Noah Levenstein

Official Trailer:

Fired Up

“Fired Up” is essentially undiluted generic storytelling peppered by the odd effective moment of improve and lashings of acid tongued wit. In several small doses it might actually feel like a decent film but when digested as a full feature it’s a distinctly stark and barren experience. There are little oasis’s of comedic relief strewn throughout but overall “Fired Up” is an arduous trek through a harsh desert of predictable storytelling and teen movie templates. You’ll need to be something of a cinematic survivalist to enjoy the entire experience, that’s for sure.

Nick (Eric Christian Olsen) and Shawn (Nicholas D’Agosto) are the two most popular jocks in school, but another summer of an all male and intensely gruelling football camp doesn’t sound that appealing. So in a bid to create a more flavoursome season they decide to go to cheerleading camp, packed to the roof with hot girls with Nick and Shawn the only single and heterosexual guys on campus. They slot into their school team “The Tigers” and whilst most of the squad buy Nick and Shawn’s feigned enthusiasm captain Carly (Sarah Roemer) isn’t so sure. However as the camp kicks of and the inter school competition heats up she and Shawn begin to get close, much to the disdain of skirt chasing Nick. After enjoying his fill of woman by the camps halfway point Nick wants out but Shawn infatuated by Carly thinks they should stay and help their struggling team, leaving their friendship in an awkward position.

“Fired Up” would have been very much at home in the 80’s and late 90’s and now thanks to the success of 2007’s “Superbad” it looks like the current climate is set to be a staple in the teen movie timeline. The Apatow revival of the genre has kick started this pocket milking trend once more and whilst it will inevitably run out of its limited artistic steam and financial potential within two years, right now it’s cool to be making teen orientated flicks. “Fired Up” isn’t at the very nadir of the genre but it’s an utterly forgettable and borderline tedious experience, riddled with some minor moments of fun hi-jinks but mostly bogged down by soggy scripting and a patchy gag rate. Plus the performances are unsurprisingly a whisker short of average, never mind revolutionary.

One of the most distracting aspects of the film is the fact that the leading men are meant to be about 17 but in reality they’re either side of 30. D’Agosto is 28 and Olsen 31 and seeing as neither demonstrates much in the way of flair I have to ask why casting wasn’t done closer to age. I’m used to seeing 21 and 22 year olds play teenagers but that is at times visually acceptable, with the leading pair they haven’t been teens for at least a decade and it shows to the point of annoyance. Despite looking ridiculously mature for the parts Olsen and D’Agosto also fail to do anything remotely memorable with them, they’re chemistry is so-so but the comedy pratfalls and routines they ping around are absurdly half hearted. It goes without saying that the film fails to build Nick and Shawn into anything else but sporty clowns but what is more offensive is that the creative team also fails to make them likable. Nick in particular is a top grade asshole and not a character the viewer is likely to empathise with.

As the head of the cheer camp John Michael Higgins easily scores the films most assured and entertaining moments whilst around him other support slowly dies in the pulsating heat of mediocrity. Sarah Roemer was nothing more than a token babe with attitude in “Disturbia” and she replicates that here (Though “Disturbia” was a far superior film) whilst Anna Lynne McCord gives a fabulously lazy turn as a bitchy cheer nemesis. Other semi-famous names also feature including Danneel Harris (also guilty of playing teenagers at nearly 30) and Phillip Baker Hall, though none make much of an impression.

The jokes aren’t particularly inspired and the films attempts at irreverent improvisation often feel forced and stale. On a few occasions Olsen managed to display a modestly quick wit and cook up some sweet comedy relief but at other junctures he goes too far and sours proceedings with his unnecessary vamping. For a PG-13 movie I was shocked by how few poop and fart jokes “Fired Up” launches at the audience but it makes them up in tame penis references and over emphasised regaling of sexual conquest. Also for a movie in which are heroes are meant to be romantic dynamos all the viewer is treated to are a few make out scenes and implied oral sex, hardly the stuff that made Casanova legend.

The film cribs from “Bring it On” and expects a direct reference to said movie to excuse the theft, it might in legal terms but not in the statutory book of good entertainment. In terms of quality those movies are pretty much on equal ground, namely that they’re hit rate with quality gags is inconsistent and from every other stand point boredom is the most likely reaction. The most undemanding of viewers might enjoy “Fired Up” and its very slight roster of impressive material, forgiving the narrative shortcomings because it’s “just an airheaded cheerleading movie”. Well I’d just rather that type of feature didn’t exist in the first place, certainly that’s not what made John Hughes and Judd Apatow power this genre in their respective eras with such delicious success.

Director: Will Gluck

Writer: Freedom Jones

Cast includes: Eric Christian Olsen, Nicholas D’Agosto, Sarah Roemer, John Michael Higgins, Molly Sims, Danneel Harris, Anna Lynne McCord

The Romantics

The Romantics is a dramatic comedy film which was released to limited theaters in the U.S. on September 10, 2010. The film was written and directed by Galt Niederhoffer, who previously wrote the screenplay for Prozac Nation and directed Six Chicks in a Kitchen.The tagline of The Romantics is “A romantic drama about love, destiny and other events you just can't plan for.

Laura and Lila. Lila (Paquin) is getting married at her parents' Long Island spread; Laura (Holmes), her long-time roommate, is her maid of honor. One catch: Lila is marrying Tom (Josh Duhamel), the guy that Laura was deeply involved with in college, before Lila swept him away with both her charms and the promises of her parents' fortune. The catch (and it is wholly unsurprising) is that Tom, the groom, isn't sure he made the right decision. He still has feelings for Laura. 

But there are moments: like the one in which Laura confronts Tom after the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding, about why he broke her heart. Duhamel's Tom is the kind of pretty-boy jock who is used to getting what he wants and who believes it's his prerogative to have it both ways if that's what he desires. But Laura sets him straight in a scene that's blistering, thanks to Holmes.

The same is true when Tom reveals his indecisiveness to Lila. Paquin calmly flays him with words; she makes it clear that this is not something she'll put up with and that he needs to get his head on straight and get on with it.

And, eventually, there's the showdown between Paquin, secure in her rightness, and Holmes, who's been playing second-fiddle to Lila for as long as they've known each other. It's a terrific encounter, full of snap and bite as real feelings lead to sharp, pain-inflicting words. These two young actresses might as well be quietly spitting razors at each other. It's not a screaming fight - but it definitely is war.

Unfortunately, there's little else in The Romantics that rises to this level. Too little of this film deals with this unhappy triangle.Instead, Niederhoffer spends far too much time on the interplay between the rest of the wedding party, two married couples played by Adam Brody, Rebecca Lawrence, Jeremy Strong and Malin Ackerman. After the rehearsal dinner, much drinking and a half-assed skinny dip (half-assed in the sense that they swim in their underwear), they switch partners for easily predicted hijinx - except that none of them wind up in bed.

Paquin is also given a black-sheep brother played by Elijah Wood, who assays the role as though he expected there to be more bad behavior for him to enact. She also has a sister who has an unsurprisingly destructive encounter with Paquin's wedding dress. And her mother is played by the comically inventive Candice Bergen, who is given criminally little to do.

Honestly, I didnt quite enjoyed or liked the ending of the movie, simply because the havent showed anything after the rain they didnt showed if Lila still married Tom or did Tom married Laura. But all in all the movie was good it still embodied reality and I could still give it a 3 star rating.

The Romantics Casts and Characteristics are as follows:


Katie Holmes as Laura, the maid of honor at Lila and Tom's wedding
Anna Paquin as Lila, the bride
Josh Duhamel as Tom, the groom, who was once involved with Laura
Dianna Agron as Minnow,Lila's sister
Adam Brody as Jake
Malin Åkerman as Tripler
Elijah Wood as Chip,Lila's black sheep brother
Jeremy Strong as Pete
Rebecca Lawrence as Weesie
Candice Bergen as Augusta
Annabel-Jane Brooks as Patricia 


The movie is based on a novel with the same title written by  Galt Niederhoffer who also did the screenplay and directed the movie.

No Strings Attached

Fresh off the recent Golden Globe win for Black Swan, Natalie Portman returns to the romantic comedy genre with a twist on the ‘no strings’ relationship.  Along for the ride is Ashton Kutcher , as her would be mate.

Emma and Adam meet by happenstance, not once, or even twice but three times over the span of 15 years all set to some great topical music from the timelines they each represent.  Each run in is flirtacious and teases you with an obvious kismet that Kutcher & Portman pull off seemingly easily.   In their mid to late twenties, when Emma is deep into her medical residency at a California hospital and Adam bides his time as a B crew member on a ‘High School Music’ type TV show, the two re-connect.   Emma’s life is hectic and harried and her ideal relationship with Adam is nothing more than quick and easy sex with no obligations on either side.  The two blindly convince each other that they can handle it and the obvious sparks ensue.  Mix that with an R rating which grants you the serious side of passion, and a truly funny bit involving the camaraderie of women during menstruation and you see how the movie sold itself.

Portman is amazingly good in this film and not just in the looks department.  Even when there’s lull in the story and the obviousness of the next phase plays out, she makes it look good – an heir of almost airy in the delivery of every line.  I felt her passion in the job she held as an MD in a hectic ER and how she truly felt when she ultimately saw the value of the relationship she was toying with.  Kutcher I can’t say the same for.  He’s definitely playing a grown up and I applaud his effort in the 3rd act, but its just not enough for me to see past his tall whimsical persona.  Lake Bell (TV”s The Practice) takes a great turn as a speedy, obsessed co-producer on the show.  Hyper, attune, sensitive and womanly – she put together a great package for the character.  Kevin Kline returns to Director Ivan Reitman’s side playing supporting character Alvin (Adam’s Dad).  I love Kline for the varied roles he played including one of Reitman’s previous solid comedies ‘Dave,’ but he’s wasted here.  Playing an aging TV sitcom star that floats between a bevy of young corsets is a waste of his talent.

If you’re a fan of Portman (as I am) you’ll find her on display in all her glory.  For those who are thinking you’ll see her nude, relax, there is no nudity in the film despite its rating.  A couple rear rump shots of the stars is all you get – don’t’ look for anything more titillating.

No Strings Attached is a decent romantic comedy for a curl up on the coach movie night, but not necessarily for $20+ for you and your date at the multiplex.  You’ll definitely find sporadic laughs and Portman will shine during the slow spots, but films like this make me wish studios would expedite the dual-release of films both in multiplexes and streaming to these high definition boxes they’re making us buy.  This film would be perfect for a Friday night on the couch.

Blue Valentine

Blue Valentine is a painful analysis of a marriage that begins on a cloud of pure romantic love, only to collapse miserably six years later. Dean (Ryan Gosling), the blue-collar husband incapable of changing or comprehending why everything has gone wrong.

 The wife Cindy (Michelle Williams), who once dreamt of becoming a doctor, finds herself barely able to be in the same room with her husband.

Blue Valentine is a love story about falling out of love, following the marriage of Dean and Cindy as they move through critical highs and lows: the first moment they fall in love, and the realization that comes when everything is over and there's no chance of recovery. This is an extremely painful film to watch. It's the joyful promising beginnings and the sad irrevocable ending.

The story begins in the present and through flashes, the audience get to see the way they were. We draw comparisons and analyze the differences, the same way people do when they remember a failed relationship. There were so many wonderful moments. Where did it go wrong?

Dean makes the best effort he knows how to save their marriage: he books them into a seedy fantasy motel which Cindy obviously doesn't want to go. The audience can feel her frustrations, crying behind closed doors. They both drink until they can't stand up anymore and they both fell on the floor. Dean tries to revive the passion in his wife by trying to make love. But the passion in Cindy has long been gone.

Blue Valentine is a great movie with defining raw performances from two brilliant young actors, who carried the weight of a heavy drama on their shoulders like the real pros they both are. Their relationship looks and feels so real. What is so impressive is the dual performances of the actors, who seem like entirely different people as the film flashes from the past to the present and back. They go through both physical and emotional transformations during the six year period of the film: Williams from shy and adorable to sad, sullen and 15 pounds heavier, and Gosling from charming young lad full of life to bland father beaten down by life with a receding hairline.

If you want to see a movie that is entertaining, do not see this movie - this movie is painful to watch. Also, do not see this movie if your relationship is going downhill, it might hasten the fall. If you want to see two outstanding actors deliver unforgettable performances and the sheer genius of a brilliant director, then go see Blue Valentine. You will love this movie.

Gosling and Williams are just brilliant here. They both flesh out these characters in incredibly compelling-yet-realistic ways. They make Dean and Cindy characters who are both relatable and interesting on their own. This, of course, makes their clashing all the more painful to watch.


The movie was a different kind of love story.

Tangled

 This Disney movie, based on the story of Rapunzel reminded me of the classic animated princess movies.  Many of the animated movies released in recent years have two levels of humor and dialogue, one for the parents and one for the kids.  This movie was directed at all ages, without any hidden or double meanings.  The setting was beautiful, the animation very well done, and the characters strongly developed.  The story was a classic tale of good versus evil, castles and princesses, and of course, love.  

The voice of Rapunzel was done by Mandy Moore and her portrayal stood out in this movie.  The other performances were good, but none that made as much of an impression as Mandy Moore’s, which was believable and expressive.  One of the other things about this movie that was reminiscent of the classic princess movies was the music.   The music for the movie was written by Alan Menken and sounds like it could easily be in a Broadway musical.  One of my favourite scenes in the movie has Rapunzel and her love interest in the movie singing and dancing around a public square with villagers and their children joining in.  This scene brought to mind Disney movies past like Beauty and the Beast, where Belle danced and sang her way around town!  The music added lightness and depth to the movie and Mandy Moore’s singing voice was a great fit to Rapunzel’s character.

One of the central themes in the movie Tangled is following dreams.  When Rapunzel expresses her fear of what will happen after she finally has her dream come true, Flynn, her love interest in the story, tells her that she can then find a new dream.  This statement is true for all of us.  Dreams are important, but once our goals are achieved, we must move on to find new dreams and pursue those.  

Another element to this story that is sure to be enjoyed by most children, especially young children, are the horse and pet chameleon, who are both well developed characters. The film is also available in 3D.

Disney’s Tangled is really a nice, feel good movie.  This animation of the classic Rapunzel fairy tale had enough new innovation to keep it interesting, but held true to the heart of the story.

Black Swan

A 2010 American Psychological thriller film that stars Natalie Portman (Nina Sayers), Vincent Cassel (Thomas Leroy) and Mila Kunis(Lily) and Winona Ryder which is directed by Darren Aronofsky.

Combine the wonderful sounds of orchestral music with the delicate beauty and undulating movements of the ballerinas along with the indelible images that cinema provides for us and we get a truly ambitious film that is a mixture of poetry, sex, feverish dream, nightmares, and psychology. But most impressively it is an innovative fusion — of cinema and ballet — that has been rarely seen in the film medium. Here is one of the most complete films in recent memory. A film well in accord with what makes a film great, ingraining in its foundation a surplus of great performances, visionary direction, emotional music, and surprises emerging from a unique script that is not afraid to approach the unconventional.

Resembling a “Red Shoes” on acid, “Black Swan” takes the idea of giving one’s all for art to a morbid extreme. Applying the gritty handheld technique he successfully employed in the working class environs of “The Wrestler” to the rarefied domain of classical ballet, Darren Aronofsky swooningly explores the high tension neuroses and sexual psychodrama of a ballerina on the brink of simultaneous triumph and breakdown. With Natalie Portman, in the demanding leading role, equaling her director in unquestioned commitment, the central issue for the viewer is how far one is willing to follow the film down the road to oblivion for art’s sake.

A scene from Darren Aronofsky’s “Black Swan.”

The opposite end of such overwrought preoccupation lies in Alfred Hitchcock’s famous remark to one of his leading ladies who was becoming far too anxious about her performance: “Ingrid, it’s only a movie.” Certainly, the truth must lie somewhere in between; sometimes art just happens as if by alchemy, but more often it requires passion, obsession and giving yourself over to demons and dark instincts.

As every one of his films has demonstrated, Aronofsky is a serious, driven director interested in discovering and charting outer boundaries and “Black Swan,” which opened the Venice Film Festival and will move on to Telluride and Toronto, is no different. Natalie Portman’s Nina has poured her entire life’s energy into ballet, at the expense of all else. A grown-up girl who hasn’t lived, she still shares a small Upper West Side apartment with her suffocatingly adoring mother (Barbara Hershey), has childhood stuffed animals all over her room, has never had a serious relationship (her choreographer suspects she’s still a virgin) and seems to have no friends.

Nina may be the most tightly wound character I’ve seen in a movie since Peter O’Toole’s homicidal Nazi in “The Night of the Generals” 43 years ago. Often sweaty, given to unnaturally tense little intakes of breath (the soundtrack emphasizes this), plagued by rashes on her shoulderblades (where swans’ wings would sprout) and prone to poking, cutting and splitting her skin and nails, she is often told she should relax, that she’s way too uptight.

More to the point, she’s probably afflicted by sexual hysteria. Up for the lead in a new production of “Swan Lake” at Lincoln Center (where much of the film is set), Nina is told by the imperious French choreographer Thomas (a wonderfully commanding Vincent Cassel) that he’d cast her at once if all she had to dance was the White Swan; the insidiously seductive Black Swan, he fears, may be beyond her reach. To find out, he provokes her, taunting her to seduce him, to show him she has what it takes.

Nina wins the role without having to go that far (although many of her sister dancers believe it anyway) and practices relentlessly, to the point of breaking. When one star is born, however, a previous one must pass by the boards, in this case the aging Beth MacIntyre, played with an almost frighteningly credible neurotic intensity by Winona Ryder that sets the bar high for Portman to match.

Pushing herself into Nina’s life in a different way is company newcomer Lilly (Mila Kunis), who’s as loose and uninhibited as Nina is frigid and constipated. At first offering herself up as a friend, Lilly morphs into a conniving rival, at least in Nina’s mind, which brims with paranoid fantasies. Lilly also becomes a source of potential erotic pleasure, to the point where an intense girl-on-girl encounter seems to provide Nina with the physical breakthrough she’s needed, even if, again, this was just a figment of her dangerously accelerating imagination.

Life as We Know it

Heigl stars as Holly Berenson, a woman whose best friend, Alison (Christina Hendricks), dies in a car accident along with her husband, Peter (Hayes MacArthur). The couple leaves behind a will, stipulating that Holly raise their 1-year-old daughter along with Peter's best pal, Eric Messer (Josh Duhamel). If you can't guess what happens next, well, you probably haven't seen the thousands of commercials that have been airing recently, have you? Holly and Eric hate each other, yet they stifle their loathing and move into a sprawling mansion in order to watch the little tot grow up. Still, when the baby goes poo-poo, the pair almost lose it. Will these two ever work things out? Will they ever get together? There's nothing worse than a predictable romantic comedy, and this is as obvious as it gets. Also, Eric goes from the worst dad on the planet to the best faster than you most of us can say "you're grounded." If there's one positive thing to come from Life as We Know It, it's this - the entire family will finally agree on a movie's suckiness. It's not funny, the plot is ridiculous, and the 115-minute running time feels like five hours. The film will also give a family a whole two hours of dinner discussion at the least. Of course, there's one aspect of the film dads can enjoy - Christina Hendricks' two babies. This romantic comedy has a long, unfunny build-up to a car crash in which a married couple are killed, leaving the victims' best male and female friends as the designated guardians of their one-year-old daughter. The woman, Holly (Katherine Heigl), is the fashion-conscious owner of a gourmet food boutique called Fraiche, the man, Eric (Josh Duhamel), is a slobbish director of sports programmes at an Atlanta TV station, and they purport to loathe each other. Their problems with nappies, baby food, minor illnesses, sleeplessness, cohabiting in the deceased couple's home, coping with work and so on are always predictable and rarely funny. To me, the chemistry going on between Heigl and Duhamel was about as exciting as that between Ann Widdecombe and Anton Du Beke Child friendly? Life as We Know It tells the story of two dimwitted people whose best friends die in a car accident. The couple leaves behind a 1-year-old tot and their will demands that their two friends raise her together. Once living under the same roof, the pair realize that poop grosses them out and they thoroughly hate each other. The film contains some sexual scenes, drug use and swearing.

Despicable Me

Despicable Me falls somewhere in the middle range of animated films targeted at kids, featuring none of the delirious wit of How to Train Your Dragon andCloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and certainly not the outright Pixar genius, but also absent the mindless pandering and obvious plotting we all fear in children's films. With a smart concept, some clever gags and well-choreographed action it moves along nicely, but it also squanders considerable voice talent and doesn't really take advantage of the twisted world it successfully creates. You get the feeling that a darker and more clever Despicable Me may have existed at some point before the studio, still trying to break into the animated market, defaulted to the safe side.

As Gru, a hunched supervillain conducting all his plots from the suburbs for some reason, Steve Carell uses a constricted German accent to great effect, abandoning his typical Michael Scott comic persona for someone even more insecure and struggling. Gru gets the big idea to steal the moon after new kid in town Vector (Jason Segel) starts upstaging him with dastardly deeds of his own, but Gru's plan is foiled when the Bank of Supervillains (formerly Lehman Brothers) won't float him a loan. Making matters worse, Gru's flashy new rival Vector steals the shrink ray Gru needed to capture the moon, and now all the evening news reports focus on Vector, with poor Gru stuck abusing his freeze ray and popping childrens' balloons for his evil deeds. For pretty flimsy reasons Gru decides that the only way to steal back his shrink ray is to adopt a trio of orphan girls, whom he plans to use as bait and otherwise ignore while locking them in the kitchen and tinkering away in his underground lair.

The girls-- voiced by Disney star Miranda Cosgrove, Elsie Fisher and Dana Gaier-- have other plans, of course, and slowly go about melting Gru's heart even when he'd rather skip the bedtime stories and let them walk to ballet class. Gru's developing relationship with the girls doesn't fit all that well with the supervillain rivalry plot, and the script by Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul bounces somewhat haphazardly between family bonding and Gru's scheming in the basement. Each has their moments-- a trip to the amusement park is fun and funny, and a heist at Vector's house is pure well-executed tension-- but you miss the airtight script of a Pixar or DreamWorks Animation film, or even a plot that doesn't feel utterly predictable from moment to moment. It's also a shame to see all kinds of other talent, including Russell Brand as Gru's elderly lab assistant and Kristen Wiig as the meanie orphanage manager, either shoved to the sidelines or forgotten about entirely by the scattered script.

Adding insult to injury, an incomprehensible amount of screen time goes to Gru's minions, those little globular yellow guys in the overalls who scurry around Gru's lab doing all kinds of jobs and bear the brunt of the film's physical comedy. Clearly the studio and directors Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud think they've come across gold here, but the minions never develop distinct personalities or even meaning within the plot, popping up from time to time to be cute but, like all the other disjointed plots, never amounting to much. The focus on the minions, so disproportionate to their actual quality as characters, speaks again to the disorganization of Despicable Me, a movie with a few good ideas and vocal performances and no idea where to go with them.